In 1980 the Grammy Award for the Best Country Song was awarded to Johnny Lee for his hit called “Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places”. I was very young at the time but I remember hearing it even though not many people in my family listened to country music. It was all over the place. The song told a simple tale of doing all the wrong things when it come to finding a lasting relationship. Hanging out in bars and hooking up with people who were making the same mistakes as them.
These days its not just the bars where people go to fail at love it’s also dating apps, speed dating, social media and other more nefarious places that need not be mentioned here. Same premise as that song from the 1980’s—same failure rate. You would think we’d learn by now 43 years after that epic Grammy win. But now we have females on TikTok giving advise on how to pick up men in Home Depot. Some of the advise was to go early, look confused and even which aisles to stand on. One excited contributor exclaimed she found three husbands there. I take her meaning as she found three guys that would make good husband material but maybe she did get married to three different guys she found in an hardware store.
Either way I digress because there is a larger point to be made. Exactly how shallow is the dating scene these days and perhaps a better question would be how shallow are peoples standards these days. The guys aren’t off the hook because the same article highlights that some guys do the same thing just in a different type of retail store but I wasn’t able to find videos with millions of views about that. Some females did express a lack of success with this type of love hunt. The irony is that feminism and all the strong, independent females have created an atmosphere where most guys won’t bother asking if you need help for fear of the lesson on how women are just as capable as men and how he is being misogynistic for even asking. Heaven forbid you open the door for a female these days. You’re more likely to be met with a scowl or silence than you are a thank you. But I must once again digress because now is not the time to discuss the scourge of feminism on our society because we have other matters before us at this moment.
While some of us are going out of our way to find “the one” it is interesting to point out that marriage rates among U.S. citizens is at its lowest rate since 1867—yes, even during the civil war more people were married—with less than 6 marriages per 1,000 people. Indeed there are many factors contributing to this disturbing trend but if dating app participation and a willingness to comb the aisles of hardware stores in hopes of catching someone’s eye most of those other factors are of no great relevance to this endeavor but a few are as we will highlight. Many women are looking for long term relationships and wanting to get married. So what gives? Females are actively forming rosters filled with guys who they rotate through as they “date” and those rosters are filled with guys who know they are part of a rotation and have no desire to attempt to be anything other than a gentleman caller who stays the night to put it nicely. Women like this won’t find the gold standard their looking for—just adult males who seek to satisfy their desires from time to time. It would be easy to hate on them but you get what you attract.
When marriage does happen over half end in divorce. The curious thing of all the divorces that take place about 80% of them are initiated by the wife. And you would think the number one reason given would be infidelity on the part of the husband but no! The number one reason is irreconcilable differences, followed by finances. Irreconcilable differences is sort of a catch all reason but almost every state has categories for spousal abuse and infidelity so these terms were not used in the majority of these filings intentionally. So much for men being afraid of commitment…but hold on to that thought because there is another factor to discuss.
Many men are now asking themselves why should they subject their lives to the possibility of long term destruction on the whims of spouse who will take him to the cleaners with the support of a family court system that demonstrates open hatred against his biology? It’s a great question. In many ways men need to exercise due care, caution and an abundance of wisdom when choosing a spouse and these issues melt away almost completely but lets be serious and sober here—there just isn’t enough teaching of children, girls or boys, on what to look for in a person before you make them your spouse. None-the-less, despite this lack of teaching many guys are stepping back and taking a look at what is happening to their fellow brethren and have decided they want no part in the family court debacle.
So what to do?
A great start would be to thin about, internalize and be willing to give what people want. For example, most men have a basic list that consist of attractiveness, kindness and respectful towards him and others. Women tend to want a man that is strong, both mentally and physically, is respected by his peers, financially secure or has the potential to be so in the immediate future. This list of attributes is not exhaustive but is the basic foundational needs of a true man or woman. Do you possess these attributes? If not, are you willing to work on yourself to be what someone else needs? And if you’re not willing to change to fit the average needs of your potential mate you’re like to remain in endlessly rotating relationships that aren’t fulfilling leaving you depressed and considering becoming a quote, unquote pet parent—which doesn’t exist because people don’t give birth to animals but I digress because I now have the perfect segue into the next point which is being selfless.
Selflessness is almost dead in our society today which explains a lot of the relationship woes people are experiencing. In our world today everything is about self. Self love, self care, self esteem, and selfie’s. With all this “self” stuff you end up “self partnered”. Selflessness is the ability to think about others instead of just your personal wants and desires. Not only that but also having the willingness to to do for others while postponing what you want is a great attractant of a worthy relationship. On a side note so many people complain of a lack of happiness in their lives but one sure way to increase happiness in a healthy way is to help someone else—in other words selfless acts. This may sound strange to a lot of people but there is a joy that comes over you when you bring a smile to someone’s face or offer relief to a weary soul.
And ladies waiting until your 30’s to look for a long term relationship and have children is so close to too late that creates all kinds of anxiety. Born from that anxiety is the willful ignoring of red flags that lead to broken relationships and broken homes. This isn’t finger pointing it’s just reality. One of the most unfortunate aspects of the current mentality of a lot of young ladies is that they have all the time in the world and this is simply not true. This thing called a biological clock is real and the later in your thirties you get the more complications occur. Miscarriages, genetic abnormalities and the need for in vitro fertilization increase exponentially due to geriatric pregnancies. I’m sure you know all this but why do so many keep getting caught in this trap of misery. It’s because most begin to panic and step up their efforts while looking for love in all the wrong places and end up with what they discover—boys who they confuse for men who end up being way less than what they wanted.
The concept of family is being battered and assaulted on every hand. From looking for love in all the wrong places, geriatric pregnancies, high levels of selfishness, boys refusing to become men and girls who refuse to be anything other than self-indulged has all teamed up to make life way more difficult than it needs to be but all is not lost. All it takes is a decision to be better, be selfless, develop the morals and standards that have been beaten into the earth to support selfish behavior. At some point we have to look in the mirror and make the reflection you see be one of selflessness and compassion. After all, if what you put out is what you get back the most selfish thing you can do is to be of service to others.