Sweetie,
Your father loves you and wants nothing more than joy and happiness in your life but there are forces on the earth that wish to see you be anything but joyful or happy. These forces want you to pretend to be things you aren’t and except things that you should not. These forces convince parents not to teach saying let the kids decide what they want to be. So we end up with masculine girls that never develop into women and emasculated boys who do not know how to be men. But all is not lost. Take my words, study them, listen to them and apply them to your life. These words cannot make all things well all the time but they can take you where you need to go. Down a path that does not lead to destruction, ruin, heartache and pain.
First, please know that this life we have been blessed with is not meant to be lived alone. God made Adam AND Eve and that was on purpose. The idea that you don’t need a man is irrelevant. Of course you can feed yourself, purchase clothing and seek shelter, so need is a moot point. What is relevant is the idea that two are better than one and there is no team on earth quite like a husband and wife. There was a time when it was natural for a husband to already be a man before he got married but such is not necessarily the case anymore. So I endeavor, in this moment sweetie, to give you the tools you need to tell the difference between a boy and a man.
The ingredients are straight forward even though they can sometimes be difficult to find. When you think you have seen “the one” pay close attention to what he does. Does he set an example of good behavior or is he devious or cruel or immature? These things are not easily changed and rarely are so don’t trouble yourself with wasting time with him or trying to change him because changing him is not your job. Your next consideration is does he speak plainly and truthfully? There is nothing wrong with witty banter but open, honest and understandable speech is the mark of a honest man and that makes him trustworthy and worthy of your attention. The next aspect of manhood goes hand in hand with his behavior and that has to do with self-control. Is he hotheaded or is he calm and collected when presented with hardships or anything else that comes his way. For sure there may be times for a full display of anger but it should be rare and in defense of himself or others. Thoughtfulness with a measured response are signs of self-control. The ability to recognize the hardship and pain in others is also important. How he sees others is a reflection of how he will see you. Compassion is often underrated and overlooked but don’t overlook it or you could be the one complaining that your husband is unfeeling and unkind like so many other women do today.
And perhaps most of all a man loves justice and is merciful. In today’s world the word justice is thrown around a lot and is often twisted and distorted but allow me to set the record straight. Justice is simply dealing with people fairly when they are right or wrong. It doesn’t imply giving people a pass for poor behavior and it is not for brow-beating you into doing things you know are wrong. There is no justice in unfair treatment, hypocrisy or double standards. There is no justice in turning a blind eye to evil or wrong doing as many would have us do. True justice requires strength, courage and intelligence. What’s good for the goose, is good for the gander. What’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong. This is how a man sees justice.
With that said, Grace and mercy, being what you would call undeserved kindness, is a sign of a heart that belongs to God. Cherish this in a man and if you find yourself with someone who is merciless…run…run for your life for his cruelty could just as easily apply to you.
In closing, my beloved, please know your dad did not come up with these words of wisdom on his own. No, they flow from the Word of God. Titus 2:7, James 5:12, 1 Peter 5:5-10, Psalm 112:1-10 and Micah 6:8 to be sure. There will be many who will look down on my efforts, on the words given by God to give to you—plenty of sad hearts, plenty of confused naysayers, or plenty of just plain ole ignorant people who think they know better but ignoring these type of people and applying these words of wisdom will be the best way to protect you heart, your mind and your soul. Keep these insights close, refer to them often and know your dad loves you very much.
Dad